‘Hi, my name’s Doormat. Please feel free to walk all over me, use me, and abuse me.’
As a champion of self-advocacy, I have the unexplainable habit of becoming a yes-person at the least opportune times. Regardless of how busy or stressed I am, I have the niche of making it worse by agreeing to things that loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and even perfect strangers ask for.
Sometimes the requests are small and harmless. Other times, they’re loaded with unexpected escalations that skyrocket to absurdity. Regardless of what the wise teacher Experience has led me to understand, I continue to say yes to being a doormat.
So how does one discriminate when ‘no’ is the correct answer? Interestingly, the answer to this lies within my cat, Kirby.
To give a bit of background about Kirby, my husband and I adopted him from a shelter. When we first met him, his name was Jag. He was snuggly and sweet. Once the adoption became final and we got to bring him home, his demeanor changed, as did his name. He became an untouchable. His eyes widened with terror when we approached him. He bolted when we spoke to him. We never did anything to harm or scare him. We love him. Kirby either changed or he had the courage to reveal his true self.
Kirby is loyal to 3 things- his best cat friend, Binky, his toys (we call them his babies), and most importantly, to himself. He refuses to pretend to be anything he isn’t. He gives his people attention on his terms, only when he wants to. Colin and I joke that he’s coming around, but those comments are more for our emotional benefit than his. He has everything he needs to be safe and happy. He knows it. Regardless of how indifferent he is to humans, he does whatever he can to honor his relationship with Binky and his babies. He takes his babies for food and water. He shows affection to Binky with kisses and snuggles. Interestingly, however, he holds no sense of loyalty or obligation to his people. He says no to us regularly. Kirby is not a doormat.
So how do I selectively learn to say yes and no like Kirby?
I don’t.
It simply isn’t who I am.
One thing I can learn from Kirby, however, is to be honest with myself. I am a doormat.
From a slightly different perspective, however, good for me. Good for me for believing that I can do anything. Good for me for having a shred of humanity left in me. Good for me for going above and beyond.
Alli Kelly’s Adulting Report Card
Made a choice/choices that led to self -improvement: D
Showed self-awareness: B
Made a choice that took others’ feelings/beliefs into account: A
Showed initiative: A
Took accountability for action/inaction: B
Strengths: Looks to help others. Shows self-awareness.
Weaknesses: Will continuously become over-extended due to personal choice.
Pass/ Fail: Pass
GPA: 3.0
Today I Adulted 